The Field Guide to the Common MS
by temporary relief
Summary: A naturalist's look at the common MS. One-shot.


**Disclaimer: I do not own CSI:NY or even this idea.**

**Notes: This is like my DL story except Mac/Stella. And, no, I won't call them Smacked. That is a lame name with a violent undertone that I don't think suits them. Flamers welcome and encouraged. Like always, enjoy.**

**Oh, I'm not criticizing some Mac/Stella stories, but there's a majority represented.**

**Lily Moonlight's stories do NOT follow these. She has a gift for writing this ship realistically and wonderfully. **

**The Field Guide to the Common MS **

The Mac (Macca Alpacca):

Average height and thicker built, the Mac has dark brown hair and often sports an overcoat with various dark colored Oxford style shirts underneath. The Mac often does not sleep as the species has evolved past this (some naturalists believe that it is also a method of seducing the Stella to sleep with it). Its call resembles "Stella" and other phrases of the same nature. The Mac originates from Chicago and uses this foreign influence to seduce the Stella and the occasional Original Character. This species' habitat is being overrun as it migrates further and further away from its natural habitat.

Environment:

The Mac can be found mostly in its office at the New York Crime Lab. On very special occasions, it can be found in its apartment where it allows itself to sleep. It may also be found at the Stella's apartment (or den as some pure naturalists prefer to refer to it).

Appearance:

Its hair is cut short, and its beard (or lack there of) is neatly kept. The Mac often wears a dark navy or black suit along with dark Oxford shirts. Occasionally, it has been seen in a white lab coat. On rare occasions, it is seen outside these normal parameters.

Mating Habits:

The Mac often practices the use of an accidental one-night stand to start a successful relationship. This approach bypasses the usual system that species have been using for millennia. Dating seems to be trivial to this species survival at first.

Other naturalists disagree and point out that many times the Mac will court the Stella first, and after several talks that end in mutual discontent, the Mac will show his underside (or apologize in colloquial terms). This will then lead both species to have an impromptu meeting in an inappropriate place in the lab. Both species, after overcoming crude hormonal needs, agree that the lab is an inadequate place and convene in either of their homes.

Predators:

Most naturalists observe that a common predator of the Mac (Macca Alpacca) is the Really Nasty Boyfriend (Domesticus Violenticum). This creature stalks the Mac's mate, the Stella, in an attempt to harm either the Mac or the Stella. Often it will draw either or both out and try to kill both in an animalistic fight. The Mac and or the Stella will always win this fight as a result of superior strength or wit. After this, the two species will result to a crude form of forplay that may or may not lead to eventual mating.

Subspecies:

ReallyJustABigSoftie!Mac – This subspecies is characterized by an open display of emotions. This Mac will often relate a sad story to the Stella in an effort to make nice (or in most naturalists eyes, a way of seducing her). This Mac will often allow the Stella to overcome his better judgment and grief especially on days such as 9/11 which used to give the Mac a somber outlook. This subspecies often runs rampant in the fanfiction community. If its numbers are not checked soon, it will soon attack other subspecies of the Mac (Macca Alpacca) and lead to their eventual decay.

IsEveryone'sBestFriend!Mac – This subspecies is often marked with a happy go lucky attitude. It will ignore the mating habits of the Danny and the Lindsay because it believes that they are in love. It will also befriend the Drunk!Flack in an effort to help the survival of the subspecies that seems to be (in most naturalists views) hell bent on destroying itself.

WARNING: IF you come across a IsEveryone'sBestFriend!Mac that crosses paths with a BiteYourHeadOff!Stella, it is advised that you run for cover. This coupling tends to produce angst filled fictions that should be avoided at all costs unless the author is a master of wordplay. If not, run for cover. Things will tend to splatter.

Daddy!Mac – In the Mac's mating rituals, offspring is often produced to which the Mac and the Stella both seem content with this. It seems ready and willing to raise a child (more often than not a Marine loving son). This Mac seems to think that the Danny and the Lindsay species' raising technique is suitable.

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The Stella (Fosterica Investigatorum):

The Stella is marked with long curls that wrap her face (Note: The Mac seems to be especially attracted to these and will seem to focus on these for hours on end). It has been noted that the Stella will wear heels with almost any outfit. It should be noted that these heels might be an attached appendage to the Stella. If not, they will evolve this way in a few millennia.

Environment:

This species tends to stay away from its apartment. Its favorite places tend to be the crime lab or the Mac's den. However, naturalists are encouraged to stay away from observing the Stella in its natural habitat. It tends to discourage visitors. If by chance a naturalist comes across a BiteYourHeadOff!Stella, they are encouraged to run and hide. It is likely that they will not have more than ten seconds to escape.

Appearance:

Besides the descriptions above, the Stella also is seen in low cut tops which tend to give the Mac, Flack, Danny, and sometimes Hawkes species room for crude daydreams. The Stella does not seem to discourage this.

Mating Habits:

Unlike the Mac, the Stella is the pursuit in this relationship. It seems to seduce the Mac and keep its focus on itself. Besides this, naturalists should be aware that the mating habits between the Mac and the Stella are often mutual and often under inhibited (or alcohol induced) conditions.

Predators:

The Stella attracts the same Really Bad Boyfriend villain that the Mac does. In the case of these two species, to speak of one is to speak of the other.

Subspecies:

BiteYourHeadOff!Stella – This subspecies should be avoided AT ALL COSTS!! This Stella will claw anything in sight. Also this subspecies needs to find a Mac (or as some naturalists have noted) a Flack before it goes into a self-destructive mode.

Tease!Stella- Some naturalists refer to this subspecies as Slutty!Stella, depending on the author. This Stella often resorts to mating with any available Mac, Danny, or Flack depending on the situation and which species is closest. (Note: If a naturalist finds this subspecies near a Mac, Flack, and or Danny, they are advised to separate the species IMMEDIATELY before permanent damage is done to the Mac, Flack, and or Danny)

YourBestFriend!Stella – Marked by obsessive behavior, this Stella will befriend the Lindsay and the Flack especially. Also, readers should be warned to stay away from this subspecies. It is often perfect beyond complete and or completely inadequate of doing anything on its own. This Stella is nothing more than a prop to the DL (Dannycus Lindsaycus) relationship.

Mommy!Stella – After mating with the Mac (or the Flack), this subspecies of Stella loses all edge of defense for the better good. Like the YourBestFriend subspecies, this Stella is inadequate of doing anything and will close itself off to the outside world from the comfort of her den. This species is very protective of its young, and all naturalists are advised to stay away from this subspecies.

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The MS (Macca Stellaca):

Many difficulties mark this species including long workdays and accidental kids. It is a mating ritual between the Mac and the Stella. The actual mating should be avoided by all naturalists as both species do not take well to being watched.

Environment:

Shortly after mating, the Mac will offer its nest to the Stella in a hope to keep the relationship together. The Stella rarely returns to its den after this.

Predators:

Once the Mac and the Stella have mated, the MS rarely deals with predators. It seems that all natural predators are frightened of their happiness. However, if the Mac and the Stella were to argue, a Really Bad Villain (a subspecies of the Dannicus Hurtus Revengicus) will soon appear to feed off of the turmoil of the species.

Subspecies:

The MS rarely evolves into any subspecies. After becoming a family, this species often lives long and happy, having many offspring bearing similar traits. (Note: It is once again advised that a naturalist stay away from the MS offspring. The parental species have been known to retaliate on several occasions. For more detail see the Ritanica's Encyclopedia of Species account, "Defense Mechanisms and Protective Instincts")

**A/N: What did you think? Flamers welcome. Regular reviews also welcome. Have a great day :D**


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